The Land of the Queen...

I am in England once more. I come here so often, it feels almost like home. I have 'my family' here, 'my children', 'my car', 'my room', etc.
The kids are great- R&O- 5&7 and they are 'mine' cause I know them almost all their lives. They can make me wish I had stayed at home sometimes, but generally they are very lovable. The Kubica book I got for R. was a huge success, but the flower one for O. was a bit less so. She spent the entire evening drawing funny men for me, but when I was putting her to bed, she said: 'actually, next time can I have a speedy car book like R? Cause flowers are a bit boring...' She made me laugh a lot. It's not easy to a be a younger sister, I know that very well.
My room is quite big, not the sweet pink/cream/brown one I lived in when I first came here. It's the same room, but my tiny telly is no longer here- there is a huge one, DVD, VCR included- but I really preferred the other one... There is internet and laptop on my disposal- so instead of reading a book I surf. And there are stains on the pink carpet, and a huge ugly table- my room was not like that... Still it's lovely to sleep in the huge bed again, to find a gorgeous bouquet of red roses especially picked for me by R, to have a long hot bath and to relax on my own.
I sometimes feel lonely and unhappy here, but on the whole I really like to spend my free time on my own in a peaceful, private room, that is untill a child comes knocking on my door and asking to come and play, and something like that does take place at least every 15 minutes...
And the there is the car- a red Rover, I used to drive a cute silver Hyundai, an automatic, which made my life so much easier, but for the past 3 years the red monster is on my disposal and I do not like it at all. I don't like driving, for one thing, unlike other people, I don't feel safe and happy behind the wheel, I feel potential danger- I could hurt somebody, so I try to be very careful, become very tense... And then parking- I am always terrified that I will hit somebody....
But soon, very soon I am off to Cambridge for the rest of the afternoon- will be able to 'get lost' in the tiny, sweet streets, go into a cafe and have a latte with a view of the adorable old town, I love Cambridge....

Feeling lonely.

A rather pessimistic post on my side today, as usual actually, but I feel that I ought to apologize anyway...
The past few days were quite remarkable. I had a great time and spent endless hours talking to my 'special' friend, went out a lot, visited new places and felt blissful.
But those days are over now. The flat in Poznan feels empty and sad again.
For this reason, I came to my parents' house for the weekend. Here one has no right to feel lonely- there is too much to do and too many people wonder in and out of the farm. I've already cleaned the kitchen and said hello to my cats, now I will look for another occupation, so as not to let the sadness creep over me.
I will be OK soon, I dare say. On Monday I'm off to Cambridge to do my annual nanny thing- hope I will survive ;)
xxx

the sun

Finally, a bit of sun...
The past few days were really horrible- so much for good Polish weather to show to my French friend...
I am thoroughly ashamed of the weather, it's not exactly hospitable.... Rather rude and unfriendly, really... Spitting rain on foreign visitors ;)
Just to add a bit to the previous post- I am rather more optimistic now about the flat. I am not at home, as my clothes have to live in the suitcase, so I am daily reminded that this is not my room, but... In general, I've setled in, no hostility at least...
Have a good Sunday, a sunny day...

New Place

It's my first day/night in the new flat.
It's very strange... I feel exactly the same way as I did whenever, as a little girl, I went to spend my holidays in my aunt's house. It doesn't feel like home... It's not exactly friendly, the flat I mean, and the atmosphere here. It's weird, really. New place, new people, and gosh, I have intenet now, that's really amazing ;)
It's been very sad- moving out of my old flat, saying goodbye to the garden, to the cats, to 'the grandma', to the cemetery and especially to my flatmate. I will see her soon again, but it won't be the same anymore, we won't be sharing the same room, the same everyday troubles...
I feel sad...