Rough times

I hate German!!!

I've recently discovered it... Now, that my exam is approaching real fast, I am positive- I hate it more than I can say!

I used to be pretty good at German in high school, I took it as my chosen subject at my matura exam, and I got a 5, well OK a 4 on the written exam, a 5 on the oral one, but still. It seemed like a piece of cake.

5 years later, I can't understand the language, let alone speak it...

And for God's sake, I don't have time now to learn it anew!!!

Eh!

I'd better change the topic...

My cat has had 2 lovely kittens this week. A black one and a ginger one- I love cats!

They are such wonderful creatures- nice and cute and fluffy and cuddly one moment and independent and rough the next- just like me! OK, I am the latter more often, but still.

Perhaps I'm a wild cat?

In any case, whatever my last name may suggest to you, I'm not a German cat- lol!

the heat...

It's sooooo hot!

I can't stand this heat!

Two hours on a train- that's a real challenge! I wasn't sure what was worse- the temperature, the draught, the noise or the smelly, sweaty guy sitting in front of me and staring- he gave me the creeps!

But I'm home now and I still feel hot... tired too, but most of all HOT!

I am so worried about the future, I don't know how I will manage over the next month, there is so much to do, but first I have to survive the heat... My feet are swollen, I feel like, like I don't know what.

I don't think I will manage to do anything today, this post is a good proof of the fact that I am not capable of writing anything worth reading today, so I won't even touch upon my thesis, instead I will listen to Jack Johnson and then go to sleep...

My niece tells me it looks like a storm is coming- GOOD! I love a storm! I can't explain why, but storms have always fascinated me. Perhaps, because my mother was always terrified by it- anything that can scare my mother must be fascinating, she is a very brave woman and it's her day tomorrow, I hope it will be a good one!

Nighty!

Future

I seem to have lost all my motivation lately.
It happens to me from time to time- the air simply goes out and I do not feel fit to do anything...I t has happened again.
Of course it's the wrong time, the worst possible in fact - the clock is ticking, time is running out. A month from now my TTC days will be over (not the exams though). I really need to focus now if I plan to complete everything on time. But despite all that (or perhaps, because of it), I feel like it's not worth the effort.It's all too much too soon and I'm not ready to finish this chapter of my book of life yet. I'm not ready to move on, I don't want to, I won't manage, I'm scared...
Life is a real beach(!) at the moment but it will become even more so in a few months.
I hate the fact that I don’t know what will happen with me them, I hate this uncertainty, I hate to feel so insecure. What if I fail my exams? What if I pass but just? And even If I do well, what should I do next. My reason says I should go straight for Master's programme. But I can't stand the thought of getting stuck here for another 2 years.
I want to go places, I want to feel alive again, I want to curl up on my bed and read something I want to read. I want to swim in the sea, I want to climb a mountain, I don't want to study methodology. I want to teach new, interesting people. I want to get to know them, I want to become a part of their lives, I want to make a difference...I want to sleep, I want to dance, I want to fly somewhere I've never been before...
I,I,I..., too much I here... selfish, selfish creature...

24 hours later...

I thought the question I asked yesterday was an easy one- well... think again D!
I was amazed how many people took part in the game... I guess we all like a challenge, don't we?

So, was it "some tissues or blood vessels under the microscope?"- naah! "Some hair with dandruff," perhaps? No! Why, maybe "gastro-intestinal haemorrhage," then? Nope! "Frozen bundle of asparagus..?" NO! (I am impressed by your vocabulary, though!)

I would love to keep this whole thing up and have you guessing till your fingers bleed, but the truth is that I'm just too nice for such cruel tricks...
Therefore, I will share my secret with you.
The picture presents my best friend, so stand up and give a standing ovation to...
Mr...
Influenza Virus (Flu Virus) !!! Yeeeeeeeeah!
Want to get to know him better?

Classification:
Orthomyxoviridae
Structure:
seg., lin., ssRNA-, helical, env.

Whatever that means...

I feel better today. My nose is still somewhat blocked but I'm feeling fine (though I do have a slight suspicion that I owe it to the rather strong Vodka drink my mother has just prepared for me... They spoil me here, especially when I'm ill:)
I had a very nice day. I went shopping with my father, a thing we never do together, and it was really nice, quite successful- I bought a new top.
I'm not sure whether I did anything else that was productive, maybe I did but I just don't remember it- too much medicine, I guess...
But now I'm having a date with McCarthy- having consumed the nice drink, I feel perfectly ready for it! lol!
Enjoy the evening!
xxx

Nothing...

For the first time, I have nothing to write about...

I wanted to write something witty and interesting- Verona told me today she's looking forward to new posts. So I got home, connected Henryk Patryk (my laptop) to Internet, made some coffee and... I discovered that I have nothing to write about. Such a huge disappointment! My nose is runny, my head aches, I feel like s... (o.k. I won't use bad language here, you know what I mean).

The past week just flew by. I had so much to do. Deadline after deadline... I had to cut down on my sleep and the result is this horrible cold- a vengeance of my unhappy body. Whoever saw me in the past two days knows full well that I am certainly not 'flourishing':)

The most significant events this week were supplied by my teaching practice. I conducted my first three classes in Polish high school and gimnazjum. I was terrified! I worried myself sick (literally, as you know:)

But they went well. Surprisingly, gimnazjum lessons were easier to conduct. That's because I taught a class of girls- I liked them very much, I 'm glad I didn't have to fake my affection for them.

High school students were loud! That's basically all I can say about them. The pace of the lesson didn't live up to my expectations... It seems to me that the students somehow sensed that I was going to trick them into writing poetry and did their best to prevent it. All I can say is that, they did succeed in prolonging it, but they will create the poem next week, they will!!! I will trick them into poetry writing -hehehe!

And now I will go to bed... I don't feel fit to write anything interesting, and I don't want to put you people off visiting my blog.

Peace!

Ps. Can you guess what's on the picture?

A crazy Saturday

We have a crazy day today, as the title suggests.

But, to tell you the truth, every day on my parents' farm is a bit crazy. I happen to have an extensive family and the farm is the place they all tend to invade on a day like today.

Today happens to be my sister's Name Day and so an additional amount of craziness follows.

It's only noon and already there are 6 teenagers and a toddler running about the house. I dread to think of the upcoming evening.

On top of it all, it is necessary to keep the farm in order, all the cows and chickens and my cats, of course (there are 7!). I must say that since I've moved to Poznan, I appreciate the farm work more, I also find it more difficult and it causes more damage to my 'city body'. I ended up with two huge blisters on my hand yesterday...

The nice thing about the life here is that nobody cares about exams and thesis (though my niece is in the midst of her Matura examinations), to farmers they are completely abstract concepts. As a result I don't care so much about them either and can relax a bit. Of course, I came here hoping to finish my third chapter, and will do it no matter what, but probably somewhere around midnight- the only time when the house becomes peaceful and quiet...

Right now there are three kinds of salads waiting to be prepared, so I have to run and do useful things.

Ps. I would like to thank for the comments that have finally begun to appear here- I really needed them to keep my spirits up- thanx! :)

Past and present times...

The past:

I am more than happy to post here my old picture. I use it on my MSN and Skype, I love it!
O.K. it's a tiny bit embarrassing, but at least it makes people laugh a lot. The glasses especially...
I was 8 then...

The present:

I am very grateful to Mrs. Lewandowska for commenting on my blog. Nobody else takes the trouble, though... I don't understand why? What's wrong with my blog? I get some verbal feedback, but that's all. It is very discouraging, I must say...

28/04/07

A perfect morning.
Saturday, I got up at 7am, got dressed and went shopping. The air was fresh, smelled of dew, the sun was shining and it was already getting warm. I bought fresh bread, a newspaper and some fruits and vegetables.
I felt perfectly happy and unaffected by all the everyday troubles. I wore torn jeans and a huge t-shirt and felt sooooo comfortable. It was today, yet it seems so long ago…
Pity, but maybe tomorrow morning will be just as nice… maybe….

I’ve heard some people say that given the chance they wouldn’t have changed anything in their lives, that they don’t regret anything, they’d do it all over again. I am nothing like that…
I can do or say something and regret it the next second and wish that I could turn back time. And the things I had done at other, more distant times I tend to regret even more. When I think of good memories I wish I could live through those moments again and no mater how perfect those moments had been I can always think of about a million of things I could do to improve them. Does that make me a bad person? Does it mean that I am immature, I should have grown out of it and maybe one day will? Or maybe I’m just completely messed up and unable to accept myself? Perhaps, it’s a bit of it all…
On evenings like this one, it is difficult not to think of the past and to resist thinking that so many things I could have done differently, with a better result for others and myself.
I am alone in my flat, as my flatmate has gone home for the weekend. It’s ‘the long weekend’, for some at least. And my landlords have been enjoying the gorgeous weather in their garden. I was, thus, confined to my flat. I cleaned it thoroughly, it got a bit grubby due to our thesis writing, and I do confess I have ‘a thing’ about ACE, I love bleaching the bathroom- how sick is that? And somehow the day just flew by, OK I did fall asleep at some point- too much ACE and I did have to get up before 7 am today. I also fought a lost battle with the ants who are invading my kitchen.
And now it’s the evening, I didn’t even touch my thesis today, the weather has changed- it’s ‘chucking it down’ (my tribute to McCarthy). I’m listening to ‘Parachutes’ and watching my pictures from Vasa- a ‘how low can you go’ sort of evening. And I’ve rather quickly managed to get myself into a state. I’m wondering, why I didn’t do and say so many things I could have and why I did and said so many things I shouldn’t have… Sad, very sad…
But most of all I miss my Erasmus time, I miss it badly. Sitting alone I miss not just Vasa, but the people with whom I had spent my time there. I couldn’t have been more fortunate in this respect. I met the best people there live in Europe and we became friends. In Vasa every day was an experience, and adventure and most importantly, every day was spent in the company of friends. Here, I tend to feel very lonesome, my Polish friends are either out of town, or busy studying, working, getting married… Therefore, I miss talking politics to Volker, I miss talking religion to Emilie, I miss talking relationships to Silvia, I miss talking sadness to Andi, I miss talking life to Lorenz, I miss…. I could go on for a while here…
When I think of Finland, I wish I had been more open, more outgoing, slept less, did more, etc. I also wish I had not been such a cow to Iza. I really did give her a hard time sometimes, I don’t know how she managed to survive through it all and not murder me… Sorry Iza…
I can’t change all that, I can’t go back and have a great time, I should enjoy the moment, I know, otherwise, tomorrow I will regret having wasted this evening in such a stupid manner, but I can’t help myself….
“I-I never meant to cause you trouble, I-I never meant to do you wrong…”, God, I love Coldplay!
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